A Christmas survival guide- by a divorce lawyer

Christmas is the best of times and the worst of times. For most of us, Christmas is the best of times- the time that we can spend with friends and family with joy. For some of us, Christmas is an agonising period when relationships end, and there is no contact with children or close family: a recipe for loneliness. Christmases spent that way are tough.  For family lawyers, Christmas often brings in many new clients who have split up over Christmas, or who argue about Christmas.

Here’s how to survive the agonies of Christmas:

1.  Don’t blow the credit card. There’s nothing worse in January when the bills come home to roost, and blame is flung about like manure in stables. Avoid, avoid! 
2.  Cool down. Getting hot and bothered at Christmas is a sure fire to start the fight to end all fights. Jump in the pool, get into air con, stand in front of a fan- do whatever you have to do to get cool. Don't remain overheated. 
3. Tolerate the in-laws. You would be amazed how many times dealing with an annoying relative at Christmas can be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Your father-in-law might be the ugliest man alive, but it might be best not to remind him of that in florid language. Aunty Eva might be an ugly witch- but to remind her of that, with grog and a few choice words thrown in, is a good recipe for spending many thousands of dollars on divorce lawyers. 
4.  Don’t drink too much. Dehydration, hangovers and lack of inhibition from drinking are a wonderful recipe to end a relationship. 
5.  Remember the kids. Arguments about kids at Christmas are usually pointless. The arguments are often bigger than the original point made- and almost always bounce back to hurt the kids.Make their interests the priority- not your ego. 
6. Take care with driving. Although it might be possible to drive straight from Brisbane to Mackay in one go, driving huge distances without rest and relaxation is not only stressful, but it could be deadly. 
7.  Plan ahead. If you know you are going to be alone at Christmas- take action to be with friends, or if you have money- travel. Why not? 
8.  Don’t do anything silly. It is easy to be depressed when alone and everyone else seems to be enjoying their time. Remember that you are loved and cherished. If in doubt, call Lifeline 13 11 14. 
9. There’s always next year. Planning your Christmas to the nth degree might be a good thing, but don’t stress if things don’t all go to plan. They usually don’t. The nuclear option at Christmas time is usually the worst. 
10.  Spare a thought for others. While you have been self-destructing, remember those who work through Christmas providing essential services. They have to get on with it, and help others.

How Google catches up with those who spam blogs

I am amazed at times about the number of people who try to take over my blogs, so that they get backlinks to their site- by trying to post "comments" to my posts.

Sometimes these are people promoting get rich schemes or surrogacy, or swingers parties of all things, sometimes to use Julia Gillard's words "nutjobs", and sometimes I am ashamed to say they are fellow lawyers. What a divorce blog in Australia has to do with injury lawyers in Canada for example who want to tout their wares is a mystery to me.

Most importantly, I don't allow others to spam my site.

I want to make it plain that I am not opposed to fellow lawyers (or anyone else for that matter) commenting on my blogs- provided they have something relevant to say, and they are not just trying to spam my blog with meaningless drivel that has no relevance to the post concerned, but just happens to say how wonderful they are and provides a convenient back link.

That behaviour simply won't be tolerated.

This issue came into stark relief this week when I was contacted by a fellow (Australian) lawyer who has in effect been black banned by Google because there are too many suspicious links leading to that lawyer's website. "Get rid of the links" he's been told, or the black ban remained. With the black ban in place his website has disappeared off Google into the pit of doom, never to be seen again until the problem is fixed. Yes, there are other search engines, such as Bing- but offend all conquering Google and watch out!

 That lawyer has asked me to remove his comments on my blog. I will do so. The irony? I didn't take his comments on my blog to be spam. I thought they were legitimate comment.

Riverfire 2013

I am very fortunate in my job that I get the ability to travel. I am often asked to present at conferences. This year alone I have presented in:

• Townsville- North Queensland Law Association conference
• Brisbane- Surrogacy Australia, surrogacy forum
• Sydney- Fertility Society of Australia conference, and surrogacy forum organised by Circle Surrogacy
• Melbourne- Surrogacy Australia conference; presentation for the Australian Psychological Association, family law and psychology interest group; surrogacy forum organised by Circle Surrogacy
• Anchorage, Alaska- American Bar Association, Family Law Section conference

I also travelled to San Francisco to attend a conference there and catch up with business colleagues in Los Angeles.

On the current state of the year I am to present in a week's time in Brisbane to the Australian Association of Social Workers, and then in November in Charleston, South Carolina (at the American Academy of Assisted Reproductive Technology Attorneys conference).

In my travels I take my trusted DSLR held together with tape and take lots of pictures. I have shared many of these with my friends and family on Facebook, but not on my blogs.

This morning it struck me as obvious that I should post some of these pics on my blogs.

Last night I was lucky enough to attend Riverfire in Brisbane, the annual fireworks spectacular. Just before the fireworks the International Space Station flew over, this tiny speck of light zipping past.

WAVSS: a domestic violence service 19 years later

Earlier this week, instead of attending my usual Action Network breakfast, I attended the breakfast and annual general meeting of WAVSS, the Working Against Violence Support Service. WAVSS is the domestic violence service in Logan.

The guest speaker was inspirational speaker Dr Shannon Spriggs from Griffith University, who talked about the Mentors in Violence Prevention, which I tweeted here. Her program works on the premise of teaching people who are used to being bystanders to take action, to help prevent, confront or interrupt violence and abuse. As Dr Spriggs said, violence by men to women in our society is a societal problem, and unless we, as members of society take action to end it, domestic violence will continue.

Dr Spriggs recognised that to end domestic violence, men need to be engaged. Domestic violence is not a women's problem.

What she said struck a chord for me- back to 1994. Back in 1994 I was one member (and the only male) of the original organising committee that set up WAVSS. Back then I was routinely the only man who volunteered my time with domestic violence committees. In addition to WAVSS I chaired the committee of the local domestic violence shelter, and helped out at the local domestic violence court service.

Incidentally, that service was started by an indomitable nun. She and I would argue whether she started the service in 1992 or 1993 (I maintained 1992, she maintained 1993). I got formally dragged on to her committee in 1999 and stayed there until this year. For most of those years I was the only man on that committee, too.

Back then WAVSS had  two full time counsellors and a part time admin worker. Now there are effectively 10 full time positions. In addition WAVSS has close links with the local council and partnerships, including with the local rugby team.

Part of me felt like a proud father- baby has grown up. These services were always underfunded, achieving results against the odds. However another part of me was filled with sadness. True the population of Logan and surrounding areas has grown enormously in the past 19 years. True women are now much more prepared to take action to end domestic violence, and there are systems in government to identify and end domestic and family violence. However, the fact remains that there are now 10 full time workers says to me that the age old problem of domestic violence is still with us, and will be with us for a long time to come. The problem has not gone away.

Which comes back to Dr Spriggs and her presentation. While she was talking it struck me that the theme of her talk was what 18th century politician Edmund Burke said:

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Unless we are all prepared to take action to be part of the solution to end domestic violence, we will all be to blame for the problem.


 

Courtrooms can continue the abusive process

It seems extraordinary, but nevertheless it is an every day event. Every day in courts throughout Australia, in the Family and Federal Magistrates Courts, victims of domestic violence come within metres of their attackers. Sometimes the allegations of domestic violence are denied by the other party, and sometimes they are admitted- but even when admitted that doesn't stop the victim and perpetrator coming within a few metres of each other, or even closer when walking in and out of the court room.

An order made in a State court that says there is to be no contact by the perpetrator with the survivor- for example "The respondent shall have no contact direct or indirect personal or otherwise with the aggrieved" or a distance clause that says, for example: "The respondent shall not come within 100 metres of the aggrieved" do not prevent them from being in the same courtroom, or walking within inches of each other going into and out of the court, or from the perpetrator staring or making furtive gestures at the survivor in the courtroom or in the foyer outside.

It seems at times as though what happens in the real world outside the courtroom, of bullying and abuse, could not possibly happen in the court room because of the aura of the court environment. The reality sadly sometimes is otherwise. However, the fear can be all too real for survivors of violence,  sometimes overwhelming them.

To make it worse, if a matter proceeds to trial the perpetrator of violence can cross-examine the survivor- and continue the abuse by other means. While there is the possibility of a screen or a video link for example separating victim and perpetrator, it is not mandatory to do so, and I for one do not know how often they are used. This process of cross-examination is worsened if the perpetrator is unrepresented, which will make the cross-examination of the perpetrator look and sound like a glorified abusive and controlling argument from home, transplanted into another building.

The ABC has picked up this issue in a great story broadcast on tonight's PM. The web version is here: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-04-08/cuts-to-legal-aid-see-accused-rapists-cross-examining-victims/4616784.

I am on ABC Radio, NSW, at 2.15pm today. I am being interviewed by Chris Coleman about divorce and property settlement issues.

Attorney-General opens world Children's Conference

Australian Attorney-General Mark Dreyfus has opened the Sixth World Congress on Family Law and Children’s Rights in Sydney today. In his speech he lauds the achievements of the Gillard government in protecting children, including amending the Family Law Act to prioritise the protection of children, a national apology on forced adoptions, and the appointment of the first National Children's Commissioner.  Here is his speech:

I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land on which we meet, and pay my respects to their elders, past and present. 

This is my first World Congress, and the first as Attorney-General of Australia, and I am heartened to see so many participants here today from countries around the world.

I’d like to acknowledge Chief Justice Bryant from the Family Court and other distinguished guests from Australia.

And of course, we are honoured to also have with us distinguished members of the legal community from around the world, marking this as a truly international meeting. 

Our international guests include the Honourable Justice Adel Omar Sherif of the Supreme Court of Egypt, Her Excellency Chan Sotheavy, Secretary of State at  the Cambodian Ministry of Justice, Chief Justice Ingram from the Marshall Islands, the Honourable Deputy Chief Justice Gibbs Salika from Papua New Guinea, and Justice Sen of the Supreme Court of India, to name just a few. 

On behalf of the Australian Government, I am delighted to welcome everyone here to Sydney, Australia, and the sixth World Congress on Family Law and Children’s Rights.

I begin by quoting former South African President Nelson Mandela who in 1995 observed, "There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children."

These words capture the purpose of the World Congress, providing us with the opportunity to examine exactly how we are treating our children, their physical and emotional protection, their welfare, and their fundamental right to achieve their potential.

I am particularly delighted to welcome the World Congress back to Australia, for the first time since it its inception twenty years ago in Sydney in 1993. 

In those 20 years, the World Congress has developed a reputation as a hard-hitting and effective advocate for the rights of children.  It is led by a Board and Advisory Group of eminent leaders in the fields of family law and children’s rights.   It has achieved much in these twenty years, leading the way in raising awareness about the horrors of child sex tourism, the use of children in war, child slavery, and even more importantly, what we can do to fight these scourges.

Since the World Congress last met in 2009 in Canada, I am proud that the Australian Government has continued to take new initiatives to recognise the rights of children and to promote their well-being.

In February this year, I was honoured to join Prime Minister Julia Gillard and the Minister for Families and Community Services, Jenny Macklin, to announce the appointment of Ms Megan Mitchell as Australia’s first National Children’s Commissioner.  I also acknowledge my predecessor, Nicola Roxon, who worked for many years to make this vital appointment a reality.

The National Children’s Commissioner is the first dedicated advocate for children and young people at the federal level.

The Commissioner will independently examine relevant Commonwealth legislation, policies and programs that relate to children’s rights, wellbeing and development, as well as national or cross-jurisdictional matters that would benefit from national leadership.

The Commissioner can consult directly with children and their representative organisations, which will ensure they can influence the development of policies and programs that affect them at the Commonwealth level. 

Ms Mitchell commences her new role on 25 March 2013, just one week away, and the Government looks forward to working with her as she advocates for the rights of children and young people nationally.

Ms Mitchell may, as part of her new duties, examine recent legislation introduced by this Government to amend the Family Law Act to better protect victims of family violence, especially children. 

These amendments were brought forward by the Gillard Government for one purpose: to unambiguously prioritise the safety of children in all parenting matters. 

As well as raising that consideration as paramount, the reforms involved:

•          changing the meaning of ‘family violence’ and ‘abuse’ to better capture harmful behaviour

•          strengthening obligations on family consultants, counsellors, dispute resolution practitioners  and lawyers to make child safety their top priority

•          ensuring the courts have better access to evidence of family violence and abuse by improving reporting requirements, and

•          making it easier for frontline child protection authorities to participate in family law proceedings where appropriate.

In addition, the Family Law Act now incorporates a direct reference to the Convention on the Rights of the Child.  This reinforces the relevance of the Convention in interpreting the objects and principles of the Part of the Act about child proceedings.   

The result? There can no longer be confusion on the part of the judiciary, parliamentarians or the wider community that the safety of children is the core emphasis of our family laws in relation to children, and that the safety of the child must always take precedence over the wants of the parents.

I would also like to applaud the recent work of the Family Court in so quickly upholding the changes to the Family Law Act by updating the Family Violence Best Practice Principles, which are the key source of practical information and guidance about how Australian family courts address family violence. 

But our Family Law Act is only as good as its reach into regional Australia – we can’t have one level of legal protections for children living in our cities, and another for our kids in the country.

That’s why the Australian Government has recently injected an additional $38 million over four years into our courts to ensure they are able to provide the services that regional communities need.  This funding increase will directly benefit people using the Family Court of Australia, the Federal Magistrates Court, and the Family Court of Western Australia.

This action reflects the Government’s commitment to maintaining access to justice, particularly for family law services and to people in regional and remote Australia. 

In addition to these initiatives, I would like to briefly mention two very useful practical tools commissioned by the Attorney-General’s Department for use by family law practitioners. 

First, I am delighted to announce the release of a general screening and assessment tool called “DOORS”, which is short for the Detection of Overall Risk Screen.   The DOORS is an evidence based framework that helps professionals detect risks to the safety and wellbeing of people they work with.  It is particularly geared to risks to those families exposed to family violence and child abuse. 

The Detection of Overall Risks Screen will help professionals develop client safety plans, refer clients to other appropriate services, and make decisions about which people need to go straight to the family law courts to determine parenting issues. 

This screening tool will mean that instead of family law professionals relying only on their own questions or intuition about safety and wellbeing issues, they will be able to complement them with well-tested questions and assistance. The tool will be available, for free, to all professionals working with families.  You’ll be able to learn more about it during the Congress.

My Department has also just released the online resource “Family Law TermFinder”, which gives plain language translations of the most common terms in family law.  It is a small contribution to the ongoing challenge of making the law accessible to all.   

TermFinder is an excellent example of a successful partnership between government, the research sector, the legal sector and the services sector, where innovative technology developed by our universities has practical application that benefits Australian families. During this year it will also be translated into Mandarin, Arabic and Cantonese.

Alongside these practical improvements to child protection and support in Australia, we must also acknowledge past wrongs. 

This week the Prime Minister will deliver a national apology, on behalf of the Australian Government, to people affected by forced adoption or removal policies and practices. 

A motion of apology will be moved in the House of Representatives and the Senate, and proceedings will be streamed live for those who cannot attend in person.

This is an important national event, not only for the thousands of people affected by forced adoption, but also for the whole community.

Another issue that has been of significant recent attention in Australia is the issue of the parentage of children, particularly those born as a result of assisted reproductive technology such as surrogacy. 

The Government has asked the Family Law Council to examine the provisions in the Family Law Act that relate to these issues and Council will provide a report to Government later in the year. 

Whether you have come from this great city, from somewhere else in Australia or from across the globe for this World Congress, I wish you all the very best for an informative, inspiring and enjoyable experience. 

I would like to thank the World Congress Board, the Advisory Group and the Program Committee for their commitment to the organisation of this event.  I would also particularly like to thank and acknowledge the co chairs of the World Congress Board, the Honourable Justice Stuart Fowler and the Honourable Rodney Burr.  They have given over twenty years of hard work, expertise and compassion towards making the World Congress what it is today. 

This Congress contributes to our shared task of creating a better world for our children and the generations that follow. 

On behalf of the Government and people of Australia I welcome you, and thank you, for participating in this important event.